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Last XMESS
Draco Malfoy ft. Crabbe and Goyle as background singers
Last Christmas, I gave Harry my heart
But the very next day he gave it away
This year to save me from tears
MY FATHER will tell me I’m special.
Once charmed and twice ditched
I keep my distance
But you still catch my snitch
Tell me, Harry
Do you still despise me?
Well, I’ve bullied you for years
It doesn’t surprise me
(Drarry Christmas!) I wrapped it up and owled it
With a note saying, “I love you,” I vowed it
Now, I know what a ghoul I’ve been
But if you kissed me now
I know you’d fool me again
Last Christmas, I gave Harry my heart
But the very next day he gave it away
This year to save me from tears
MY FATHER will tell me I’m special.
A crowded Great Hall, enchanted hearts
I’m hiding from you, and your soul with Voldie’s parts
Merlin, I thought you were supposed to be the brave one
Me? I guess I was a phase you’ve moved on from.
A scar on a lover like a lightning bolt
A man with a dark mark due to his own fault
Now, I’ve found the Dark Lord you’ll never fool me again
Last Christmas, I gave Harry my heart
But the very next day he gave it away
This year to save me from tears
The Dark Lord will tell me I’m special. (2x)
A scar on a lover like a lightning bolt
A man with a dark mark due to his own fault
Maybe next year I’ll give it to the Dark Lord who will make me feel special, special..
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2. |
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Merry Xmas (There is no war)
Cornelius Fudge
So this is Christmas
And I swell with pride
Another year over
And I’m sure no one has died
And so this is Christmas
No one needs this divide
Don’t listen to Albus
No one has to decide
A very Merry Christmas
And a happy new year
Let’s hope it’s a good one
We don’t need Dumbledore’s fear
And so this is Christmas
For weak and for strong
For muggleborn and pure ones
The world isn’t wrong
And so happy Christmas
For Wixen and Elves
For Goblins and Muggles
Let’s not doubt ourselves
A very Merry Christmas
And a happy new year
Let’s hope it’s a good one
We don’t need Potter’s fear
And so this is Christmas
Your trust in me is earned
Another year over
Just stay unconcerned
And so happy Christmas
I have this confirmed
Nothing bad is gonna happen
Because no one has returned
A very Merry Christmas
And a happy new year
I’m sure it will be a good one
Without any fear
There is no war, I assure you
There should be no war soon
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3. |
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Potter, the Boy Who Lived (A Hogwarts School Board meeting)
By Severus Snape
Potter, the Boy who lived
has a very flashy scar
but if you’d ever see him
you’d realize that he’s no star
All of the other teachers
think that he’s so sweet and great
But I really can assure you
the boy deserves all my hate
He struts around and thinks he’s cool
And wants to rule the school
[A board member] Sorry, but if I’m the judge
I think this man just holds a grudge
What? No, you can’t just sack me!
This isn’t how Hogwarts works
I have an enchanted contract
I do what I want you jerks.
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4. |
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White Christmas (December is Squid Month)
By the Squid
I’m dreaming of a white Christmas
When my love is decked with snow
When her towers glisten and I can listen
To her sigh, oh my beautiful chateau
I’m dreaming of a white Christmas
while munching on my third burnt toast
And there upon the wild and stony coast
Awaits my castle that I love the most
I’m dreaming of a white Christmas
because we have a date that night
And then I'll wrap around her,
make her windows flutter
and Hogwarts and me we’ll be finally entwined
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5. |
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Thank Merlin it’s Christmas (At Shell Cottage, while Harry and Hermione fight a snake)
By Ron
Oh my love,
I know you’re angry now
Oh my friend,
I know we had a row
Oh my family,
It’s been a long hard year
But now it’s Christmas
Yes, it’s Christmas
Thank Merlin it’s Christmas
The duck and gravy seem wonderful warm and yum
Let’s hope
that Fleur can cook as well as mum
My friends the world
I know it falls apart
But this is Christmas
Yes it’s Christmas
Thank Merlin it’s Christmas
For
My
Appetite
Thank Merlin it’s Christmas, yeah
Thank Merlin it’s Christmas
Thank Merlin it’s Christmas
Can it be Christmas?
Let it be Christmas
Every day
Oh my love,
We live in troubled days
Oh my friend,
I know your burden weighs
All my fans,
You know I will return
But now it’s Christmas
Yes it’s Christmas
Thank Merlin it’s Christmas
For
My
Appetite
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6. |
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Draco the Ice Prince (Oh)
By Hermione Granger
That’s Draco the Ice Prince
He’s a snobby, prickly soul
with a nose held high and a sack of gold
well, and a very sexy stroll
Draco the Ice Prince is a Death Eater they say
He is shady as fuck
And because I’m out of luck
I have to marry him today
There must have been some awful trick
to curse me with this fate
For when we said our wedding vows
I could really feel his hate
Oh, Draco the Ice Prince
we now live side by side
we fight a lot
it’s actually quite hot, he even kissed me late last night
Draco the Ice Prince
oh I really never knew
He would be so kind
and have a sharp mind and be a well versed lover too
So now we are bonded
and hold each other dear
Oh yes, his parents mind,
but they have resigned and won’t dare to interfere
I can’t believe what we’ve become
it’s like a fairytale
when I look into his silvery eyes
I forget how to exhale
For Draco the Ice Prince, I know that he will stay
he cooks for me
is tall like a tree
and makes me come three times a day.
Thumpety thump thump, thumpety thump thump
Look at Draco go
Thumpety thump thump, thumpety thump thump
He really makes me oooohhhhh
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7. |
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Deck the Halls with Socks for Dobby
By Dobby
Deck the halls with snowflake charms
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
carrying trees with little arms
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Don’t get praised nor thanked nor paid
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la
Maybe Dobby’ll wrap up a grenade
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Prepare the great feast for the masters
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
carefully avoiding all disasters
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Should ask for clothes and freedom soon
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la
Or just kick them in a timely tomb
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Do everything that they desire
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Or maybe set the manor on fire
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Then underneath my Christmas tree
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la
A sock that says: Dobby you’re free
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la
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8. |
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I wish I could play Quidditch everyday
By Oliver Wood
[Oliver] Are you ready Team? ([All reluctantly] Yeah)
When the Quidditch season starts
we can feel it in our hearts
Let’s get in gear and practice everyday
Come on jump out of your bed
Quickly let’s run to the shed
And get our brooms
Hey, does your’s feel sticky too?
Who cares? I wish I could play Quidditch everyday
When the Beaters start swinging and the Bludgers search for prey
Oh I wish I could play Quidditch everyday
Let’s hear the roar for Quidditch
[Fred] Man, Oliver let me know
Why we’re training in the snow
My butt hurts and the frostbite will never go away
[Oliver] Shut up Fred and be a man
this is all part of my plan
we’ll fight real hard to Hufflepuffs dismay
Oh, I wish I could play Quidditch everyday
When the Chasers start racing and the Quafflel flies away
Oh I wish I could play Quidditch everyday
Let’s hear the roar for Quidditch
[Katie] Fuck I really hate this sleet
I can no longer feel my feet
Oliver you're insane and should be locked away
[Oliver] Sush Katie don’t be lame
this is an important game
it will pay off when we beat Ravenclaw today
Oh, I wish I could play Quidditch everyday
When the Seekers starts searching and the Snitch leads them astray
Oh I wish I could play Quidditch everyday
Let’s hear the roar for Quidditch
[Harry] I swear Oliver I’ll try
and even if I die
I catch the snitch, I’m sure I’ll find a way
[Oliver] Harry that’s the right approach
at least someone listens to their coach
Now let’s win the Cup and make Slytherin pay
Oh, I wish I could play Quidditch everyday
When the Keeper starts saving and the Quafflel finds its way
Oh I wish I could play Quidditch everyday
Let’s hear the roar for Quidditch
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9. |
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Fairytale of Godric’s Hollow
Gellert Grindelwald & Albus Dumbledore
[Grindelwald]
It was Christmas Eve Babe
In Godric's Hollow
My old aunt said to me, talk to the neighbour boy
And then you looked so coy
It was as if I knew
Couldn’t turn my face away
and fell in love with you
Feels like the strongest bond
We’ll find the elder wand
I’ve got a feelling
This world’s for me and you
So happy Christmas
I love you Albus
I can see a better time
When all our dreams come true
[Dumbledore]
We’ve got minds strong as tides
and exuberant powers
And for the greater good, yes,
The world will be ours
When you first took my hand
On a cold Christmas Eve
You promised me
Revolution was waiting for me
[Dumbledore]
You were bright
[Grindelwald]
You were smart
Conquered my heart
[Both]
When the Weird Sisters finished playing
We howled out for more
Celestina was swinging
All the wixen were singing
We kissed on a corner
Then danced through the night
The kids from the Hogwarts school band
Were singing quite okay
And the bells were ringing out
For Christmas day
[Albus]
You’re a killer
You are cruel
[Grindelwald]
Do you want a duel?
Standing there pathetic mister, blaming me for your sister
[Albus]
You scumbag, you murderer
how could you attack her?
Happy Christmas you arse
I vow Merlin, it’s your last
[Both]
The kids from the Hogwarts school band
Still singing quite okay
And the bells are ringing out
For Christmas day
[Grindelwald]
I could have been someone
[Dumbledore]
Well so could anyone
[Grindelwald]
You took my dreams from me
Locked me in Nurmengard
[Dumbledore]
I kept your wand with me
And seek no power now
I don’t longer allow
To build my dreams around you
[Both]
The boys from the Hogwarts school band
are still singing quite okay
And the bells are ringing out
For Christmas day
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10. |
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All I want for Christmas is Harry and his Quidditch Muscles
Draco Malfoy
I don’t want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
Harry in a housemaid costume
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want Harry for my own
More than you could ever know
FATHER stop looking so weary
All I want for Christmas is Harry
I don’t want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
Harry and his Quidditch muscles
Underneath the Christmas tree
Oh I won’t ask for much this Christmas
I won’t even wish for a broom
And I’m just gonna keep on waiting
Underneath the bright full moon
I won’t even slip amortentia
into Harry’s pumpkin juice
I won’t even insult Weasley
Gladly, I propose a truce
Cause I want him to be truly mine
Spending with him all my time
What more can I do?
Cause’ Harry, all I want for Christmas is you
You, Harry
Oh, all the charms I know to make you flushed everywhere
And the sound of your moaning will soon fill the air
And when we are slowly kissing
I will hear you hissing
Merlin, won’t you bring me the one I really need?
Won’t you please bring my Harry to me?
Oh I don’t want a lot for Christmas
This is all I’m asking for
I just wanna kiss my Harry
Don’t want to hide my love no more
Oh, I just want Harry for my own
More than you could ever know
FATHER stop looking so weary
Please, all I want for Christmas… is Harry
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11. |
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Broom Ride
By Oliver Wood ft. Percy Weasley
Just hear those school bells jingling, ring tingle tingling too (ring-a-ling-a ding-dong-ding!)
Come on, it’s lovely weather for a broom ride together with you (ring-a-ling-a ding-dong-ding!)
Outside the snow is falling and Hagrid is calling “yoo hoo!” (ring-a-ling-a ding-dong-ding!)
Come on, it’s lovely weather for a broom ride together with you (ring-a-ling-a ding-dong-ding!)
Our cheeks’ll be nice and rosy and comfy and cozy we’ll be (ring-a-ling-a ding-dong-ding!)
We’ll be snuggled up together like two birds of a feather would be (ring-a-ling-a ding-dong-ding!)
Percy, let’s take my Clean Sweep and take a big leap or two (ring-a-ling-a ding-dong-ding!)
Come on, it’s lovely weather for a broom ride together with you (ring-a-ling-a ding-dong-ding!)
Percy, just stop denying that you want to go flying too (ring-a-ling-a ding-dong-ding!)
I’ll bring you back safe and sound, let’s take off the ground now (ring-a-ling-a ding-dong-ding!)
I swear I won’t ask again, maybe I go with Glenn or Hue (ring-a-ling-a ding-dong-ding!)
Come on, it’s lovely weather for a broom ride together with you (ring-a-ling-a ding-dong-ding!)
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12. |
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Silent Night, Magical Night
By Lord Voldemort
Silent night, magical night
Voldy’s back, all is right
Fear and death and destruction will reign
Oh I’ll cause some serious pain
Weep in terrible fear
Weep in terrible fear
Silent night, magical night
Mudbloods tremble at the sight
Potter I can touch you now
And I will make you bow
Harry the Savior is doomed
Harry the Savior is doomed
Silent night, magical night
Look at me, a pure delight
Well, I think I strike quite a pose
Wait- what? Fuck where is my nose
Wormtail you useless shit
Wormtail you useless shit
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I have no nose but at least I have yellow teeth and a Christmas album for you.
Thank you all for donating! In 2020 we were able to donate 100€ to IGLYO, the International Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Quee & Intersex Youth and Student Organisation, a network of LGBTQI youth and student organizations in Europe and beyond. Among many objectives IGLYO is aiming to increase the visibility of LGBTQI youth and student identities, as well as making education safe and inclusive for all. See more
www.iglyo.com
Thank you for listening!!
Inspired by the wonderful podcast "Fanatical Fics and where to find them".
released December 24, 2020
Anne Thyr: lyrics, vocals
The Morts: music, production
Benjamin Kantschieder: artwork
